Being fat is not just about having a few extra pounds. Being fat can define an entire person’s existence. The more excess fat you have, the more fat there is to weigh you down. Up to this point, a huge chunk of my life has been defined by being fat. I let being fat determine the places I go, the things I do, and the people I interact with. My big fat body is always on my mind, keeping from doing the things that I want to do. Will losing a giant chunk of fat solve all of my problems? Absolutely not, but it would definitely make some of them easier to conquer.
Being fat is more than just a personal disadvantage. Fat people are overlooked on first glance. As “sensitive” as our society is, all of the stuff about how the only thing that matters is the person on the inside is complete B.S. As important as being a good and honest person is, the reality is that most people wont take the time to get to know that good and honest person inside an overweight shell. There are some people who can see past physical traits on their first meetings with people. But those people seem to be so rare that most people who are treated differently for being fat just stop trying to interact with anyone.
There are some that say “if being fat is so horrible, why don’t you just lose weight?” That is an excellent point, but it is much much easier said than done. Losing a giant chunk of weight doesn’t just involve ”cutting down on the sweets” or eating a few more “salads with fat free dressing.” (I use those two specific examples because they are usually the suggestions that people who have never been fat or lost large amount of weight suggest to me.) Weight loss and maintaining that loss involves changing the way that a person eats and acts each and every day for the rest of their lives. Most fat people aren’t fat because they have been doing everything right and just can’t control that sweet tooth. Most fat people are fat because they are lazy about their food and exercise, or they just don’t know what they should eat, and they don’t know that they need to exercise. Sadly, I was in the first group. I have known for years what I should eat, and that I need to exercise. But I had been so unhappy for so long, I had practically given up. It is hard to do good things for yourself when you have no self worth, and it is hard to build self worth when most people wont look at you twice.
There is such a thing as food addiction, but unlike smoking or other addictions once you kick the habit you are far from done. I was addicted to food. I was always ready to eat even if i wasn’t hungry. In two months I have kicked that habit. At this point, I probably would forget to eat if I didn’t have it scheduled out for myself. Just like any other addiction though, food addiction will be an easy thing to fall back in to if I am not careful. So now is where the real work begins. Not only do I have to lose 150 more pounds, but I have to also endure the physical and emotional roller coaster that is losing weight for at least another year. It is during that roller coaster that I am most likely to fall off the food addiction wagon and start my old ways again. Getting rid of the side effects of my food addiction is the very thing that will stress me out enough to get me to fall off the wagon. It is a vicious cycle.
As difficult as the next year and a half is going to be while I lose this weight, I know that I will not give up. I know this because last winter is when I hit my point of no return. I got to the point where it was more difficult for being fat than it was to do something about it. As difficult as losing the weight is, I know that it is nowhere near as horrible as being 400 pounds was. It wasn’t just difficult physically, but emotionally too. I am finished being fat because I am finished hating myself, and I am finished limiting myself.
This has been a relatively heavy post for me, but it is something that I had to do. If you got this far in the post, thanks for reading it and I’ll catch you later on finished being fat.
later,
Dan
